10 ways you are giving the enemy the upper hand in your marriage (Part 1)

Let me start this post with this caveat: the devil is fighting constantly against the institution of marriage. He is probably fighting against your marriage right now.

But God had won the ultimate victory against the devil for your home.

Nevertheless, you may be putting your marriage in constant danger and probably giving the devil the upper hand in your marriage as he strategically launches attacks against your marriage.

Here are 10 ways you are probably giving the enemy the upper hand in your marriage. (Watch the video below for a summary of the 10 ways).


1. Lack Of Prayers.

There are many prayer less homes right now. JESUS, even though he was God devoted time for prayers because He was aware of the challenges that He would face in His ministry.

The devil has discovered this loop hole and is capitalizing on it.

You MUST decide to pray...

  1. For your family every day
  2. With your family every day

It is totally important for the strength of your marriage that you pray TOGETHER and for EACH OTHER.

2. Lack of Sexual Intimacy

Are intimacy and romance missing from your family? Is your spouse now nothing more than a roommate?

In my recent blog reader survey, "lack of sexual intimacy" was one of the biggest challenges many couples experienced.

Maybe you just got married and you felt that your wedding night was going to be your fairytale sexual climax night and all that happened was “...crickets"

Or perhaps, you just had a baby, and since you had that baby - either due to the trauma of delivery or the overwhelm of motherhood, sex is the LEAST IMPORTANT thing in your todo list - at least for now...

Or have you recently suffered broken trust/infidelity in your marriage - and the hurt from that broken trust has completely turned you off from sex and the thought of you being physically intimate with your spouse brings up ALL the worst feeling and creepy goose bumps...

Maybe your spouse is experiencing a health problem either physically or emotionally or psychologically, as a result you have been "deprived of sexual intimacy".

These are really challenging situations to be in, but the absence of Sexual Intimacy is quite dangerous to the health of your marriage.

Are you experiencing lack of sexual intimacy in your marriage? Check out these resources:

3. Stonewalling

Stonewalling occurs when a partner refuses to communicate with the other spouse or by engaging in delay tactics or even stalling.

In Stonewalling, a spouse becomes defensive and evasive.

Here are 2 examples of stonewalling -

Say your spouse offends you - then you decide NOT to indulge in any form of communication with your spouse. Whenever your spouse tries to engage with you, you totally avoid your spouse or create an excuse why you do not want to talk or even say something like "I am just trying to avoid conflict" or "I am an introvert" - That is stonewalling.

Let's say a wife criticizes her husband for not doing the dishes or brushing the kids teeth before bedtime. The husband feels infuriated by the criticism and tells the wife "I have had a very busy and long day at work today and I am really exhausted, I am not in the mood to fight with you tonight, just let me be. I can't deal with this right now". And walks away.

Some other people call it "Silent treatment" and guess what - it is used mainly by men.

Both men and women are VERY DIFFERENT.

When a wife CRITICIZES her husband, she feels she is HELPING HIM.

When a husband receives criticism from his wife, he feels she is HUMILIATING HIM.

Hence, his response to the criticism is STONEWALLING.

So, when he stonewalls her, she gets offended and aggravated that the assistance she offered was rejected by the husband, hence she criticizes even more.

Her criticism may come from a place of love for him, but the only thing he hears is humiliation/disrespect.

4. Infidelity

If you are looking for one sure/guaranteed pathway to ruining your marriage - Infidelity.

If you have experienced infidelity in your marriage (your spouse had an extramarital affair), you are sure to experience hurt, anger, rage, unhappiness, broken trust etc. and if you are the one who committed the act, you are sure to experience guilt.

The truth is both of you need to experience healing.

During my previous 7-Day Marriage Challenge, one of the participants asked me "how can I survive my spouse's affair?"

First of all, infidelity is initially a CHOICE and subsequently becomes an ADDICTION.

Infidelity should not be avoided because of fear of getting caught, but because of love and deep respect for your spouse.

Check out these resources on Surviving Infidelity.

Enwongo Ettang