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Welcome to my blog. My name is Enwongo Ettang.

I am a family physician in training and I help newlywed christian couples navigate the critical transition into married life.

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[Part 2] 7 Powerful and Practical Marriage Lessons in 7 Years

[Part 2] 7 Powerful and Practical Marriage Lessons in 7 Years

Last week, I previously wrote about the 7 practical and powerful marriage lessons I had learn in my 7 years of marriage.

Today I will be completing the post.

If you have not had a chance to read the previous post, you can read it here. However, you can read the summary of the previous lessons.

  1. Keep God at the centre of your marriage
  2. Develop the utmost respect for your spouse
  3. Develop your hearing listening skills.
  4. Connect with your “Why”?

Okay, lets proceed.

5. Do not keep secrets from each other.

"Emeka and Chisom have been married for 4 years. Emeka reports that Chisom is accusing him of having an affair with a woman from work and at a certain time threatened to leave him or end the relationship.
He (Emeka) claims that it’s not true. He admitted that before he met his wife, he had dated this woman, but he never told her because she did not ask. He also did not see the relevance of bringing the past into his current relationship. But Chisom somehow found out.
Emeka still maintains that he does not think he needs to tell his wife EVERYTHING he has done or he is doing in his life as it had no bearing on his dating or marrying her. It is not a secret in his opinion, but just something he chose not share because it is irrelevant.
He ended the conversation by saying ‘I love Chisom, I am not having an affair now and I never would’."

Keeping secrets from you spouse breeds distrust even if you are doing nothing wrong. Keeping secrets will cause your spouse to suspect that you are doing something wrong even when you are not doing anything anything wrong.

When you and your spouse are a committed couple, part of being a couple involves intimacy and intimacy is “really knowing each other”. And knowing each other also involves “revealing yourself to your spouse” and letting them in - in ways you do not let anybody else in.

6. Try to keep a teachable spirit

Have you heard that phrase - “You are not the boss of me.” Did you ever use that phrase “you are not the boss of me”? I keep hearing it between my children much more often these days.

When my daughter tells her older brother to do something, then he gets upset and tells her “you are not the boss of me”. I am your older brother, you are not my mom or my dad. (Does this sound familiar in your marriage)?

My question to you is Do you have a teachable spirit? Do you struggle with being corrected? When your spouse gives you constructive criticism about an aspect of your life or something you did wrong, do you accept that correction or are you quick to point out, “you should change this in your life too”?

An unteachable spirit is one which says “I know everything and you don’t”. It’s a spirit which says - I am done growing, I cannot learn anything any more.

This is what the bible says...

Whosoever loves instruction and discipline loves knowledge, But he/she who hates reproof and correction is stupid - Prov 12:1 (AMP)

My prayer is that God will give you a teachable spirit. Having a teachable spirit requires cultivation. It is not easy. And it requires the external power of the Holy Spirit.

7. Maintain date night

One of the ways to keep your marriage alive is to schedule regular date nights. Yes date nights did not end after you got married?

Date night is a smart investment because it signifies putting your spouse first and investing in your marriage.

For your date night to work you need to...

  • Schedule it. Yes put it on the calendar. What ever does not get scheduled, usually does not get done. I think it should be treated with the same importance as you would treat a doctors appointment.
  • Make it regular - I recommend making it weekly however it depends on your home circumstances. But it should be more frequent (an not a yearly valentine’s date :().
  • Budget it - yes, put it in the monthly budget where you budget the groceries, petrol, electricity bill etc. Putting it in the budget signifies that it is a serious activity and that you value the time spent together.
A Letter To My Son On Father’s Day 2015

A Letter To My Son On Father’s Day 2015

7 Powerful and Practical Marriage Lessons in 7 years

7 Powerful and Practical Marriage Lessons in 7 years