If you look at most news headlines regarding marriages and relationships, it is really hard to ignore that we currently face a great crisis in the homes and most of these crises are crises of leadership.
Marriage on it’s own can be great and amazing, but with it’s own share of challenges; however being married to a lousy partner can make your marriage sometimes unbearable.
In this post, I want to share with you my top 10 characteristics of lousy husbands. I have seen husbands make these mistakes over and over with it resulting in an unhappy spouse and eventually an unhappy marriage.
I found out that many lousy husbands do not even recognise they are lousy husbands and may identify their actions as normal.
Nevertheless, this post will help you look at your life and identify which of these traits you are manifesting so that you can avoid them next time or even better, unlearn them so that you would be able to lead your family God’s way.
I have arranged them here as the top-ten characteristics of lousy husbands.
- They are disorganised. I have fallen into this category and I am still dealing with this. I used to forget appointments and important events, my stuff were scattered around the room. I just never knew where anything was. You cannot be an effective leader and head of your home if you are disorganised.
- They love pornography. If you are looking for a sure path to ruin your marriage, pornography will lead you there. It makes you see your spouse as an object, it makes your spouse “feel betrayed, dirty and angry”. Decide today to become free of this addiction. Porn use thrives in secrecy. There are resources that can help you deal with this. Check out this True Story: How Michael Overcame Porn.
- Their words and actions destroy trust with their spouse. These husbands use hostile languages or devaluing languages on their spouses. They seem to be angry ALL the time. Eventually their actions can escalate from verbal abuse to emotional abuse and finally physical abuse.
- They do not express a clear vision for their family. No wife wants to follow her husband in the dark. It’s impossible keep your spouse motivated when she does not see a clear map for the family.
- They are not transparent. Wherever there is openness in a relationship, honesty is bred. The absence of transparency leads to lost intimacy and opportunities where scandals can spring up.
- They are blind to what is happening in their own home. There are many men who have no idea what is going on in their homes; they are totally strangers to their kids; they have never helped in the homework of their children; they are unaware of things not working around the house etc. Such a man who is blindsided to what is happening at his home will be making major blunders.
- They are extremely critical. Criticism is a character trait that can be toxic to any relationship. It has the potential to erode away positive feelings over time and eventually leads to the destruction of the relationship.
These men never see anything right in what the spouse does. They constantly focus on their partner’s flaws and pass judgment. They also express it through blaming, nitpicking, ALWAYS correcting insignificant things, disapproving the partner’s ideas and actions.
- They have too many abandoned projects. It’s one project to another. From teaching your son how to ride a bike to painting the store, to emptying that carton, to selling forex online, to painting the kitchen, to repairing that dent in the car, to buying real estate or that part time course that was never completed. Does someone come to your mind right now?
- They never help around in the house. “I bring in ALL the income in the house so why must I help around the house?” SERIOUSLY? Jesus who is our standard for leadership was also humble. Helping to clean the toilet, wash plates, buy groceries, bath kids, change your child’s nappy etc don’t make you less of a man.
- They breed lies and infidelity. Sneaking off with that babe from work thinking your wife will not know… Truth is, even if your wife never finds out, it is still wrong to do that. Do not let go of everything that is valuable to you for a short moment of pleasure (even a long moment of pleasure). Choose to uphold the vows you made to your spouse on your wedding day. Choose to be truthful. Choose to be loyal to her. Your wife deserves that and even more.
Are you a wife reading this? Does this list seem familiar to someone you know? Start by praying for your spouse and ask God to deliver him from these character traits. Talk to your husband and express how you really feel about this and if need be, seek external help.
Are you the husband seeing any of these traits in your own life? These are manifestations of the flesh. God has the power to heal you and renew you, so that the spirit man can be rekindled within you.
Decide on a path today that will lead you and your spouse to the marriage you really desire.